Unnatural ResourcesHo! Ho! Holy cow! Holy moly! And Holy Jehoshaphat! (And I didn't know about that "h" after the "s" in the spelling either!) The store...and Christmas. No matter which store it is, Christmas is the Real Deal. It's the Big Trough. It's time to rake in the money because this is when people spend, baby! So that means using every resource at hand to make this work, and work well! To this end, people get moved around. I, for instance, volunteered to be helpful. So they gave me some work to do supporting the people driving the sales. Funny...I used to be one of the top sales-drivers. I was looking forward to doing something of that again, but I was put into a support position for people who don't ordinarily do this kind of order taking. Ho! Ho! Holy crap... Okay, I have lots of ways to be helpful, that's true, and today I did get to speak to one or two people. And it's as funny and interesting and weird as ever. I particularly loved the woman who told me over and over that she was not going to shop with us anymore if we couldn't make the 55% off deal an 80% off deal! Just for her. Just because. I pulled out my bag of tricks and told her a few things. I told her, "Well, that item was originally $195 and now it's $79.95, so it's really over 50% off, and if we go lower than that and do that by applying some additional discounts, we'll go broke. So...we can't do that. I'm sorry."
I was trying the "think business-wise" trick. It didn't work. She tried reasoning back at me: "It doesn't make sense! I get these coupons and things all the time and then I can't use them???" That didn't work on me. "It just doesn't make any SENSE!" she insisted. So I dug deeper into the bag. "Well, actually, when you think about it, it kinda does!" I tried reasoning with her. I said, "It makes it so that even when there's not a sale, you get a sale price." I thought that was actually fairly epic, not having had to think in that way for about 7 months now! Well, hell, I was convinced! She didn't like it, though. She was just...disappointed. I asked her if she wanted to go ahead and get what she was interested in, and she was petulant. "No. No I don't." And to make sure I felt sufficiently bad about her disappointment, she told me she had two things in her bag, and she was leaving without both of them. I shed a few tears. No I didn't. Before her, actually was another "disappointed" customer - seems to have been the word of the day - named Gabriel. And be still my heart, his accent was British. We Americans are such a soft touch about this. We hear a British accent of a certain kind and we assume the man sporting that marvelous sound looks like Pierce Brosnan or - well - someone younger than Pierce Brosnan. I'm not a millenial, I'm more of a baby boomer. Sue me. I explained the situation to the man, we chit chatted a bit, and I waived his $10 shipping for him. One satisfied customer. The one I loved the most today, though, was one handled by another helper. This particular customer said that she thought she had put through her order during the bigger sale yesterday, but when she woke up this morning, hey presto!, it was still in her online bag! Uh-huh. Sure. That reminds me of the time I totally messed with my brother's mind when he was 12 and I was 15 and I told him that the lobster I had gone to purchase (we were vacationing in Maine back in the days of lots of parental supply) had jumped off the plate and run away, even though it had been cooked. I'm not unreasonable - I know weird stuff happens. But that story about "I thought I ordered" needs a few less holes for me to not drive trucks through it. So, that was my day as a helper. People asking for help in person, on the chat, and on phones. And people - customer-people - buying. I'm not a real holiday person. It's very difficult to deal with the commercially spread expectations when one has no family, and no real tie to Christianity other than being a fan of the Christ - as well as other great beings throughout the ages. Since I was born on Christmas Eve, and Jesus was Jewish, I always say we're really tight, him and me. He was in fact a nice Jewish boy, and then a nice, angry enlightened master. I like that in a savior. I do like the Christmas lights, though. And I like that the holidays are - unbeknownst to everyone else - really all about my birthday. I mean, my proof is that when I go out to dinner on my birthday, there are always lights and festivities. Everyone must somehow know! Today is Sunday. Interesting day to work. For three more weeks I will be a helper. All I want for Christmas is me, really. I want to give my best self and experience my best self in every single aspect of my life. I want to start thriving on an entirely different level. As a not-really-side-note, I want this world to stop sucking the life out of me with its lack of compassion, honesty, integrity and authenticity. I want Dumptruck (I don't say his name if I can help it - kinda like Voldemort) - to go look great in orange, and take the rest of his crew with him. I want to be a part of the healing of this world. I want to jump, scream and shout and share some joy and openness, for God's sake! That last bit I can certainly do if given the chance at the store. Maybe tomorrow they'll add that to my duties... If not, I'd certainly be disappointed.
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AuthorWorking in Sales at a Call Center for one of the biggest stores in the country should come with hazard pay. Archives
December 2019
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